The Old Man and the Banana Hammock

There’s an old man at this resort with rubber skin – he clearly spends far too much time in the sun and it has taken its toll on his skin.  Every morning he’s out early to secure his favorite spot, a lounge chair by the pool that faces the resort restaurant.  By the time we get to breakfast, he is sprawled out on his chair trying to catch as much sun as he possibly can.  This wouldn’t be so bad, except that he is clad in only a banana hammock.

I would call it a speedo but that would be far too modest a description for this decorative loin cloth.  He wears a different one every day – in 5 days I have not seen it repeated once.  I wish I could tell you that I hadn’t noticed but, unfortunately, his chair faces our breakfast table. Each time I look up after a bite, he’s there etching an unwanted sight into my memory.

There is already a lot on this blog that is formulated based on opinion or the perspective I’ve gained after 34 years of life.  The advice I’m about to give you, however, is a fact; please trust me on this.

DO NOT wear a speedo or anything like it – ever.  Unless you are a competitive swimmer and they have banned swim shorts, pants, and bodysuits, you should not wear these garments.  If I ever wear one in public (or even in private for that matter), you have my approval to admit me into a mental institution.

Thank you.

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